Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
