idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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