Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
