Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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