I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this boner is exhausting
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
