My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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