Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
