Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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