repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
