Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
