why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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