is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish my penis had a tongue
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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