I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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