I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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