Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
