It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
