So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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