She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize