Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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