Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
