you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
