remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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