I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
