I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
