We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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