Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
