Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
