So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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