Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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