dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
