FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
