We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
