Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
