I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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