i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
