Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
