I looked at my own cervix.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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