Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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