You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
