the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
