Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
