How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
