Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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