I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
