and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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