Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
