I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
