I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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