so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
