life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
