We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
organizing the empties. That sober.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
