i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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