there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
