11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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