I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
