she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
