I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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