I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
