Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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