Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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