Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
