The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
