You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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