everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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