AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
