he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
