At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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