he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
