Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
