sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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