yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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