Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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