awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
