We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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