the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
